What happens if parents don't agree that their children should become bilingual? 

For some parents, raising bilingual children is natural, and nothing to be discussed. In many countries of the world, bilingual, trilingual and multilingual children are often the norm rather than the exception. In such areas, there is nothing peculiar or exceptional about bilingual children. Bilingualism is accepted and expected.

In other families, discussions about the languages in which a child should grow take place before birth, after birth, during childhood, adolescence and into adulthood. The most positive thing is that children's bilingualism is being discussed and debated. Just as many parents discuss the manners, television viewing habits, hair styles and clothes of their children, so language is an important area for a family to consider openly.

A child's languages can enter into discussions about the pattern of relationships that exist in the family, about relationships with grandparents and uncles and aunts, about schooling, about interaction with the community, about future employment and job prospects, and importantly about a child's self-concept, self-esteem and self-enhancement. Discussion about raising a child bilingually or monolingually is not just about language. It is very much about the whole child. It is about the sense of security and status that a child will have, a child's self-identity and identity with a community and language group.

When there is disagreement, consider language as just one part of a child's whole development. Discussion about bilingualism in the child is not just about two languages. It's about personality, potential and the pleasure of a secure and stimulating period of childhood. Bilingualism in the child cannot be considered in total isolation. Bilingualism is one major part of the jigsaw of the child's total development. The fit of the bilingualism part of the jigsaw into the total picture of the child's development requires dialogue between parents.

If there is disagreement in the family, consider writing down the pluses and minuses on a ‘balance sheet'. Rather than argue about one or two points and let emotions sway, consider the widest variety of factors mentioned in this FAQ database. There needs to be a long-term view of the development of the child. Consider the interests of the child and not just the short-term preferences of the parents. One danger is that one parent may insist on a personal strongly felt language opinion, without adequate consideration of what is in the best interests of the child.

With care and consideration, a parent may feel it possible to sacrifice an opinion in the best interests of the child. For example, if one parent worries that he cannot understand what the other parent is saying to the child in a heritage language, is a child's bilingualism to be sacrificed because of the parent's concern? With diplomacy, love and meeting problems as challenges to be overcome, solutions and understandings can be gained. The parent in this example may find it possible to forgo understanding conversations between mother and child in order for the child to become fluently bilingual.

In short, disagreements need tactfully resolving. Open and frank, positive and empathic discussion is the route to resolution. The most important destination to discuss is the long-term interests of the child.